First off, if this blog bites it's not my fault....
Like Roland Burris, I've been too busy chiseling all of my greatest accomplishments in granite, for my temple....I mean....mausoleum, to focus on writing.
“So I see your Schwartz is as big as mine.” …
If nothing else, you have to give Roland Burris credit for being well prepared, for everything. In fact, he's already prepared for the afterlife. Much like an ancient Egyptian Pharaoh, Burris has erected a massive granite monument to himself that will one day serve as his tomb. Looming over the rest of the grave sites at Chicago's Oakwood Cemetery, Burris'...mausoleum...has many of the same features as the Great Pyramid in Giza. There are urns and hieroglyphics....no wait...that's just his resume chiseled into the granite. That's right! The man has actually chiseled his resume into the granite! Beneath the word "TRAIL BLAZER" Burris has listed many of the great accomplishments in his life, including the fact that he was the first non-CPA to be on the board of the Illinois CPA Society. Who knew:)
More from Newsday.com -
The tomb is a monument to the ambition - some say egotism - that led him to accept what many regard as a tainted prize: an appointment to the Senate from scandal-ridden Gov. Rod Blagojevich.
"Roland wants an office. It's another thing to chisel on his Ramses II pyramid," said Judy Baar Topinka, a former Illinois state treasurer and Republican candidate for governor. She added: "His ego is huge."
The 71-year-old Burris accepted the appointment with no publicly expressed reservations, despite charges that Blagojevich tried to sell the seat. And Burris fought for the seat after Senate Democrats vowed not to allow him to take office. On Wednesday, the Senate leadership backed down, and it appears likely Burris will be seated, though he obviously would not be Illinois' first black Senator.
Suspiciously missing however, are the exact dates that he supposedly led Portland's NBA franchise to glory. Clyde "The Glide" Drexler was unavailable for comment.
"Only one man would dare give me the raspberry.....LONE STAR!"
U.S. Representative Artur Davis (D) Birmingham, has caused a stir among some of his fellow congressman by refusing to side with them on the issue of Roland Burris' appointment to the Senate.
This from AL.com -
Davis, D-Birmingham, did not participate when the Congressional Black Caucus voted to back Burris' cause, and he did not sign a caucus letter arguing that Burris' appointment, despite the taint of corruption, should be honored.
"I choose not to associate myself with any argument from some quarters that Burris' race or the desire for diversity entitles him to be seated, and I cannot join any suggestion that those who oppose Burris are racially motivated," Davis said in a written statement explaining his decision not to sign the CBC letter.
The controversy "should not be treated as an occasion for racial solidarity," he said. Davis' history with the black caucus is not without tension. Several of its veteran members campaigned aggressively against Davis when he challenged their colleague, then-U.S. Rep. Earl Hilliard, in 2002. Davis won the seat after a fierce campaign divided older and younger generations of black voters, and his voting record in Congress has been more moderate than many in the caucus.
Davis, who would like to be elected Alabama's first black governor in 2010, said the election of the first black president should end attempts to "inject race into arguments where it doesn't belong."
Here Here! I applaud Davis for taking such a stance and for displaying the courage of his conviction. It would have been easy for Davis to remain silent and simply rubber stamp the CBC letter, however he chose to make a stand and to voice an opinion that will no doubt be unpopular with organizations such as the NAACP. Too many times has the "race card" been injected into disagreements or controversies simply as a way to gain an advantage by attracting negative press for the opposition. It's time for this tactic to end, and Davis obviously understands that. While I have never met Rep. Davis personally, he certainly has my respect.
"On this ship you are to refer to me as "idiot" not "you captain!" I mean.....You know what I mean..."
Speaking of the NAACP and things that people need to let go of, why does EVERYTHING have to remind them of slavery? Alabama NAACP President Edward Vaughan of Dothan, has irked many (including me) with his recent comments that Mobile's Azalea Trail Maids should not be allowed to march in Barack Obama's inaugural parade. His rationale? The Trail Maids' and their dresses remind him of slavery and will surely make Alabama the "laughing stock" of the parade. He suggested that the marching band from Alabama State University would have been a better choice. No offense to ASU or the Marching Hornets, but this is a presidential appearance! How would having half naked majorettes doing the humpty hump on the streets of our nation's capitol be a better choice?
Now I have had the pleasure of knowing several Trail Maids in my life (hopefully some of them are reading this blog now), and I can't think of a better organization out there to represent Alabama on a national scale then them. These young ladies are the epitome of style, grace and southern charm. They are intelligent, vibrant individuals who have proudly served as Mobile's ambassadors for the last 60 years. To associate them with slavery is an insult to the organization and indeed an insult to all Mobilians. The Trail Maids are an integrated organization, the makeup of this year’s group includes eight black members, two maids of Indian descent, one Asian and 39 whites. Oh, did I mention that Obama's parade committee chose them for this honor?
Mobile County Commissioner Steve Nodine has sent Vaughan a letter demanding an apology for the statements. Even Mobile Mayor Sam Jones has gotten into the act releasing this statement:
"The Azalea Trail Girls represent the beauty of Mobile. After all, we are the Azalea city. We are extremely proud of their participation in President-elect Barack Obama's inauguration and can think of no better group that represents the character and diversity of our city to showcase at this historic event. As it relates to diversity, we would compare Mobile with any city in the state of Alabama. We are a diverse city representing people from all segments and walks of life. These girls epitomize that, and they are excellent ambassadors for Mobile."
So why is Vaughan trying to make this a race issue? Because he can't let go of history and move forward. Like most of his colleagues in the NAACP, Vaughan is attempting to justify the continued existence of the NAACP itself by trying to point out racial "injustices" where they simply don't exist. Look, the Civil War happened, get over it. Slavery happened, get over it. This is the 21st century; quit stirring up 19th century arguments that serve absolutely no place in the advancement of the ENTIRE human race. If the NAACP can't find something else to hang its collective hat on, then maybe it's time for another antique to be relegated to the history books.
My Shameless Gimmick Item ...
The top three Overrated/Underrated aspects of the world...or at least my world.
1) Overrated: chisels Underrated: sonic screwdrivers
2) Overrated: NAACP Underrated: NAGOI - The National Association of "Get Over It!"
3) Overrated: The BCS Underrated: What happens when you let college football players loose on Bourbon Street....sorry Nick!
Finally, I'm sorry this blog was bollux, but it wasn’t my fault …
Shaquille O'Neal visited me last week, and now all the Q's are missing from my scrabble set.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Friday, December 12, 2008
C.J.'s Corner... aka my take on what's going on.♦
First off, if this blog sucks it's not my fault....
I tried to shut it down, but the labor union staged a sit-in and promised not to leave until I agreed to keep writing. So, I'm now going to climb on my soapbox...
“All you did was weaken a country today, Kaffee. That’s all you did. You put people in danger. Sweet dreams, son.” …
So here we are, back at the bailout table....this time it's the Big Three (Ford, GM & Chrysler) begging for federal aid to help them avoid bankruptcy. Somehow, despite other automakers (Toyota, Honda, Hyundai, Subaru, Mercedes etc.) being able to remain profitable while building cars in the U.S., these guys can't seem to put together the right formula for long term stability. So they want us, the taxpayers, to make them a big fat loan lest they go belly up. Mind you they have no plan for the radical changes that will no doubt be necessary to ensure a return to profitability, but hey....this is the "New America" right? A land where you don't need to be competitive to survive, if you go broke you just ask the government for more money....and they oblige. Money grows on trees in the "New America" right? We can afford to give it away freely, without any guarantee that we"ll get it back. Right?
Now, enter our hero, Alabama Senator Richard Shelby(R). Senator Shelby has been extremely vocal in his opposition to this bailout, and the financial risk Congress would be taking with our money by giving Detroit what amounts to nothing more than a band-aid to cover an arterial bleed. Senator Shelby believes, as do I, that nothing short of a complete overhaul of the Big Three and their business model can ensure their survival. And to accomplish that, may mean that one of them has to go away....a "Big Two" perhaps. There's no doubt that decades of bowing at the alter of the labor unions has helped create this problem, and until they go away, the problem cannot be solved.
Now for taking this stance, Senator Shelby and indeed all of Alabama, has become a target of blue dot hatred. I enter into evidence the following website: http;//www.boycottalabamanow.com Obvioulsy the work of a democrat (aka the blue dots). The site aims to stage a national boycott of all things Alabama. It claims to be supported by "True Americans" as opposed to the "Real Americans" that supported the Republican party (aka the red dots) in this past election. The site further attempts to give a feeble apology to the citizens of Alabama saying and I quote "to the great people of Alabama, please keep in mind; we didn’t start this mess, our government did." to which I say.......you kind of did. I'll explain:
When you say "we didn't start this mess" you're implying "we" are the blue dots (Michigan went to Obama making it a blue state), and when you say "our government did" you're obviously talking about the current administration....which as we all know is made up of red dots (Alabama went to McCain making it a red state). Clearly you're implying that this is the Republicans playing partisan politics. However, before you throw that stone consider this:
February 29, 2008 - The U.S. Airforce awards a $100 Million dollar contract to build aerial refueling tankers to Los Angeles based Northrop Grumman/EADS, who beat out Illinois (blue state) based Boeing. Boeng went crying to it's allies in Congress (all blue dots) that the contest was unfair, when in fact, it was the most open and transparent bidding process in the history of the Pentagon. The blue dots were up in arms, EADS is European, thus we MUST be outsourcing American jobs to France. Right? Boeing filed a protest, the blue dots bullied the GAO, and the whole deal was called off. Then, the Air Force announced it would start the bidding process all over again. When Boeing played the "we're taking our ball and going home card" the Pentagon decided to delay the reopening of the competition until AFTER a new administration was elected. If that wasn't partisan politics, I'm not sure what is.
It was a great day for the blue dots....they saved American jobs.....right? NO. The KC-45 was to be built right here in Alabama, by "Real Americans". That fact was always lost whenever the blue dots pranced in front of the press. All they kept saying was that the KC-45 would not be built by Americans. Apparently they meant it wouldn't be built by "True Americans". So forgive us if we're not sympathetic to bailing out Detroit, "your government" cost us the chance to build a new industry here in the South.
Ok, I'll climb down off my soapbox now...
But it's not worse than when someone says they don’t want fries and then eats half of yours …
So what is exactly about being elected Governor of Illinois that makes otherwise intelligent men turn into dumber versions of Harvey Dent? Current Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich (D) is accused of a rather long laundry list of crimes, including soliciting bribes from parties wishing to fill the Senate seat vacated by the President Elect. If that wasn't bad enough, perhaps what's more disturbing is that Blagojevich is just the latest Illinois Governor to have legal issues. Three of the seven previous Illinois Governors before him are currently service jail time somewhere for crimes committed while in office. Assuming the same fate for Blagojevich, that would be four of the last eight. That means 50% of the last eight Illinois Governors were crooks. So if you have a 50/50 chance of going to jail if elected, what sane person would run? Did I mention that Illinois is a blue state?
But I’m still most afraid of the Viva Viagra guys …
"Officials in Mexico City have announced a plan to give free Viagra to elderly men."
No, I'm not making this up.... If you're over 70 and live in Mexico City, there are plenty of little blue pills in your future.
Mayor Marcelo Ebrard says the city is implementing the plan because sexuality "has a lot to do with quality of life and our happiness."
Pills will be distributed at three centers that specialize in sexual health for the elderly.
Wait a minute....Mexico City has centers (plural?) that specialize in sexual health for the elderly????? Are you freaking kidding me?!?!?!?!? WoW
Now, there has been some discussion that perhaps this is all part of a new national plan aimed at trying to keep Mexican citizens actually IN Mexico and out of the U.S. However I'm not buying that...no I think there's something more sinister at play here. This is obviously part of some radical Democratic agenda, it's all so clear to me now...... stay with me on this:
1. Viagra is manufactured by the pharmaceutical firm Pfizer, Inc.
2. Pfizer CEO Jeffrey B. Kindler, is a major contributor to the Democratic Party, which is why Viagra is a little "blue" pill instead of a little "red" pill
3. Despite having a Republican governor, Florida is the only "blue state" in the Southeast....thanks primarily to all of the retired "blue dots" who have flocked there over the years from places much colder.
Now the Democrats desperately want the South to return to it's "Dixiecrat" roots, so that the country can once again be united and we can all be "True Americans". but in order for that to happen, they have to get rid of all the "red dots" that have spread across the South like a plague over the last two decades. Which leads us to the only logical conclusion: Pfizer is donating the Viagra to Mexico City to "give away for free" in hopes that such an offer would be enough to entice Republicans to retire south of the border, effectively removing them from the voting populace. A very clever plan, I must say, and one that might have worked had I not seen through the smoke and mirrors...or experienced a sudden unsafe drop in blood pressure...one or the other.
My Shameless Gimmick Item ...
The top three Overrated/Underrated aspects of the world...or at least my world.
1) Overrated: boycottalabamanow.com Underrated: suckitmichigan.com
2) Overrated: labor unions Underrated: finding a new job if you don't like the one you have.
3) Overrated: Paying for a senate seat Underrated: Paying for next months issue of GQ with Jennifer Anniston on the cover :)
Finally, I'm sorry this blog sucked, but it wasn’t my fault …
I'm a red dot living in a red state, what do you expect?
I tried to shut it down, but the labor union staged a sit-in and promised not to leave until I agreed to keep writing. So, I'm now going to climb on my soapbox...
“All you did was weaken a country today, Kaffee. That’s all you did. You put people in danger. Sweet dreams, son.” …
So here we are, back at the bailout table....this time it's the Big Three (Ford, GM & Chrysler) begging for federal aid to help them avoid bankruptcy. Somehow, despite other automakers (Toyota, Honda, Hyundai, Subaru, Mercedes etc.) being able to remain profitable while building cars in the U.S., these guys can't seem to put together the right formula for long term stability. So they want us, the taxpayers, to make them a big fat loan lest they go belly up. Mind you they have no plan for the radical changes that will no doubt be necessary to ensure a return to profitability, but hey....this is the "New America" right? A land where you don't need to be competitive to survive, if you go broke you just ask the government for more money....and they oblige. Money grows on trees in the "New America" right? We can afford to give it away freely, without any guarantee that we"ll get it back. Right?
Now, enter our hero, Alabama Senator Richard Shelby(R). Senator Shelby has been extremely vocal in his opposition to this bailout, and the financial risk Congress would be taking with our money by giving Detroit what amounts to nothing more than a band-aid to cover an arterial bleed. Senator Shelby believes, as do I, that nothing short of a complete overhaul of the Big Three and their business model can ensure their survival. And to accomplish that, may mean that one of them has to go away....a "Big Two" perhaps. There's no doubt that decades of bowing at the alter of the labor unions has helped create this problem, and until they go away, the problem cannot be solved.
Now for taking this stance, Senator Shelby and indeed all of Alabama, has become a target of blue dot hatred. I enter into evidence the following website: http;//www.boycottalabamanow.com Obvioulsy the work of a democrat (aka the blue dots). The site aims to stage a national boycott of all things Alabama. It claims to be supported by "True Americans" as opposed to the "Real Americans" that supported the Republican party (aka the red dots) in this past election. The site further attempts to give a feeble apology to the citizens of Alabama saying and I quote "to the great people of Alabama, please keep in mind; we didn’t start this mess, our government did." to which I say.......you kind of did. I'll explain:
When you say "we didn't start this mess" you're implying "we" are the blue dots (Michigan went to Obama making it a blue state), and when you say "our government did" you're obviously talking about the current administration....which as we all know is made up of red dots (Alabama went to McCain making it a red state). Clearly you're implying that this is the Republicans playing partisan politics. However, before you throw that stone consider this:
February 29, 2008 - The U.S. Airforce awards a $100 Million dollar contract to build aerial refueling tankers to Los Angeles based Northrop Grumman/EADS, who beat out Illinois (blue state) based Boeing. Boeng went crying to it's allies in Congress (all blue dots) that the contest was unfair, when in fact, it was the most open and transparent bidding process in the history of the Pentagon. The blue dots were up in arms, EADS is European, thus we MUST be outsourcing American jobs to France. Right? Boeing filed a protest, the blue dots bullied the GAO, and the whole deal was called off. Then, the Air Force announced it would start the bidding process all over again. When Boeing played the "we're taking our ball and going home card" the Pentagon decided to delay the reopening of the competition until AFTER a new administration was elected. If that wasn't partisan politics, I'm not sure what is.
It was a great day for the blue dots....they saved American jobs.....right? NO. The KC-45 was to be built right here in Alabama, by "Real Americans". That fact was always lost whenever the blue dots pranced in front of the press. All they kept saying was that the KC-45 would not be built by Americans. Apparently they meant it wouldn't be built by "True Americans". So forgive us if we're not sympathetic to bailing out Detroit, "your government" cost us the chance to build a new industry here in the South.
Ok, I'll climb down off my soapbox now...
But it's not worse than when someone says they don’t want fries and then eats half of yours …
So what is exactly about being elected Governor of Illinois that makes otherwise intelligent men turn into dumber versions of Harvey Dent? Current Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich (D) is accused of a rather long laundry list of crimes, including soliciting bribes from parties wishing to fill the Senate seat vacated by the President Elect. If that wasn't bad enough, perhaps what's more disturbing is that Blagojevich is just the latest Illinois Governor to have legal issues. Three of the seven previous Illinois Governors before him are currently service jail time somewhere for crimes committed while in office. Assuming the same fate for Blagojevich, that would be four of the last eight. That means 50% of the last eight Illinois Governors were crooks. So if you have a 50/50 chance of going to jail if elected, what sane person would run? Did I mention that Illinois is a blue state?
But I’m still most afraid of the Viva Viagra guys …
"Officials in Mexico City have announced a plan to give free Viagra to elderly men."
No, I'm not making this up.... If you're over 70 and live in Mexico City, there are plenty of little blue pills in your future.
Mayor Marcelo Ebrard says the city is implementing the plan because sexuality "has a lot to do with quality of life and our happiness."
Pills will be distributed at three centers that specialize in sexual health for the elderly.
Wait a minute....Mexico City has centers (plural?) that specialize in sexual health for the elderly????? Are you freaking kidding me?!?!?!?!? WoW
Now, there has been some discussion that perhaps this is all part of a new national plan aimed at trying to keep Mexican citizens actually IN Mexico and out of the U.S. However I'm not buying that...no I think there's something more sinister at play here. This is obviously part of some radical Democratic agenda, it's all so clear to me now...... stay with me on this:
1. Viagra is manufactured by the pharmaceutical firm Pfizer, Inc.
2. Pfizer CEO Jeffrey B. Kindler, is a major contributor to the Democratic Party, which is why Viagra is a little "blue" pill instead of a little "red" pill
3. Despite having a Republican governor, Florida is the only "blue state" in the Southeast....thanks primarily to all of the retired "blue dots" who have flocked there over the years from places much colder.
Now the Democrats desperately want the South to return to it's "Dixiecrat" roots, so that the country can once again be united and we can all be "True Americans". but in order for that to happen, they have to get rid of all the "red dots" that have spread across the South like a plague over the last two decades. Which leads us to the only logical conclusion: Pfizer is donating the Viagra to Mexico City to "give away for free" in hopes that such an offer would be enough to entice Republicans to retire south of the border, effectively removing them from the voting populace. A very clever plan, I must say, and one that might have worked had I not seen through the smoke and mirrors...or experienced a sudden unsafe drop in blood pressure...one or the other.
My Shameless Gimmick Item ...
The top three Overrated/Underrated aspects of the world...or at least my world.
1) Overrated: boycottalabamanow.com Underrated: suckitmichigan.com
2) Overrated: labor unions Underrated: finding a new job if you don't like the one you have.
3) Overrated: Paying for a senate seat Underrated: Paying for next months issue of GQ with Jennifer Anniston on the cover :)
Finally, I'm sorry this blog sucked, but it wasn’t my fault …
I'm a red dot living in a red state, what do you expect?
Saturday, November 1, 2008
C.J.'s Corner... aka my take on what's going on.
First off, if this blog sucks it's not my fault....
I asked for it to be included in the $700 Billion bailout package passed by Congress, but it finished a distant third to rum factories and toy wooden arrows in the sweetener voting.
"The most important rule. No matter how much they cry, no matter how much they beg, never, never feed them after midnight." ...
I'm betting that most of you, like me, had no idea that fire ants were first introduced into this country in the 1930's by foreign ships sailing into the port of Mobile. I guess border security was a little more lax back then. Anyhow, discovering this little tidbit made me wonder what else we Mobilians have been responsible for unleashing upon our fellow Americans. It turns out that we did indeed try to make amends for the whole fire ant fiasco in the 1940's. How, you ask? We gave America the pet hamster. That's right! According to this article from al.com, Mobile was ground zero for the birth of the pet hamster. What's even more amazing about this story is the fact that this guy gave birth to an entire industry while working out of a little shack behind his house. So, to everyone out there who's ever had a pet hamster...you're welcome :)
However, if she’s unable to fulfill her duties, or if we find hot lesbian photos of her taken when she was young and needed the work, the first runner-up shall assume the crown …
Miss Teen Louisiana USA Lindsey Evans has been stripped of her title after she and three friends were arrested after failing to pay a $46.07 restaurant bill. According to police, the pageant queen and her group of girlfriends decided over the weekend to dine and dash -- leaving without paying the bill -- at a Louisiana eatery. But the 18-year-old beauty left her purse at the restaurant and the four young women were caught when they came back to pick up the handbag, which police said also contained marijuana.
“Lindsey Evans has been part of an organization that believes in opportunities when earned and consequences when warranted. Due to recent circumstances, Lindsey has been relieved of her duties as Miss Louisiana Teen USA 2008 effective immediately," said a statement by the pageant's organizer, RPM Productions. Her reign was scheduled to end October 31.
When asked why they chose to stiff the restaurant, one of Evans' cohorts responded with this jewel: “The service was so slow, we just said, ‘Screw it,’ and left,” Evans will have to return her sash and crown, but won't have to return any other prizes or cash equivalents.
Wow, so would she have been able to keep the sash and crown if they hadn't found wacky weed in her purse? I mean seriously, what kind of example does that set? They should make this young lady return EVERYTHING she won from the pageant, not just the meaningless pieces of cloth and plastic.
“We're ten hours from the (bleep)ing fun park and you want to bail out. Well, I'll tell you something. This is no longer a vacation! It's a quest!” …
I just read this from the folks over at foxnews.com: "Authorities are investigating a report that an armed man forced a tour bus driver to drive to the Downtown Disney area in Florida."
"Orange County sheriff's deputies searched for the suspect at the entertainment and shopping complex Saturday, but the search was later called off. The man has not been identified. Authorities say the driver told police the suspect hid in the restroom of a Mears bus and emerged with a gun. He then forced the driver to drive to the Disney area. She dropped him off without being injured, according to the sheriff's office."
further proof that some people will do ANYTHING to ride Space Mountain...or get a klondike bar...take your pick :)
Try our "New Nuggets", now made with white meat, at participating restaurants …
I've always been the kind of person who doesn't complain when my food isn't cooked exactly right while dining out. Having roomed with a couple of short order cooks in college, I believe it's better to live with it, then to tick off the people who are responsible for preparing and serving me my food. These folks over in Sydney Australia apparently didn't get that memo: "Pub row erupts after feces found in ice cream"
A bitter row has broken out between one of Sydney's largest tourist pubs and a family of five who accused chefs of serving human excrement in their gelato after they complained about noise during a football match.
State government food minister Ian Macdonald confirmed on Wednesday that frozen fecal matter had been found in a serving of chocolate gelato offered to placate pub patron Steve Whyte and his wife Jessica, who became "violently ill" after eating it.
The tainted sweet was allegedly served up at the Coogee Bay Hotel, one of Sydney's largest and most popular beachfront hotels, located just a few minutes south of Bondi Beach. The pub has denied serving excrement to the Whyte's after they complained they were unable to hear a televised football game due to loud music, with both the chef and restaurant manager volunteering for DNA tests to prove their innocence. Both sides have accused the other of money seeking, with the Whyte's claiming they were offered A$5,000 ($3,240) in hush money by pub General Manager Tony Williams, while they in turn were accused of trying to negotiate up to A$1 million in damages. The argument over accusations of "kitchen revenge" has shocked Australians, leading into an expected searing, gelato-friendly summer, capturing national headlines for days.
Note to self: Don't eat any rocky road ice cream ever again.....especially if it's "on the house".
So remember, the next time you start to complain about ANYTHING while out to dinner, you've been warned.
My Shameless Gimmick Item ...
The top three Overrated/Underrated aspects of the world...or at least my world.
1) Overrated: Dine and dash Underrated: Mrs. Dash
2) Overrated: "Change we can believe in" Underrated: the increase in the amount of taxes we'll be paying over the next four years.
3) Overrated: Joe the plumber Underrated: Sally the soccer mom
Finally, I'm sorry this blog sucked, but it wasn’t my fault …
California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger said he didn't think I was ready to write a vice presidential caliber blog, but that I'm "getting there".
I asked for it to be included in the $700 Billion bailout package passed by Congress, but it finished a distant third to rum factories and toy wooden arrows in the sweetener voting.
"The most important rule. No matter how much they cry, no matter how much they beg, never, never feed them after midnight." ...
I'm betting that most of you, like me, had no idea that fire ants were first introduced into this country in the 1930's by foreign ships sailing into the port of Mobile. I guess border security was a little more lax back then. Anyhow, discovering this little tidbit made me wonder what else we Mobilians have been responsible for unleashing upon our fellow Americans. It turns out that we did indeed try to make amends for the whole fire ant fiasco in the 1940's. How, you ask? We gave America the pet hamster. That's right! According to this article from al.com, Mobile was ground zero for the birth of the pet hamster. What's even more amazing about this story is the fact that this guy gave birth to an entire industry while working out of a little shack behind his house. So, to everyone out there who's ever had a pet hamster...you're welcome :)
However, if she’s unable to fulfill her duties, or if we find hot lesbian photos of her taken when she was young and needed the work, the first runner-up shall assume the crown …
Miss Teen Louisiana USA Lindsey Evans has been stripped of her title after she and three friends were arrested after failing to pay a $46.07 restaurant bill. According to police, the pageant queen and her group of girlfriends decided over the weekend to dine and dash -- leaving without paying the bill -- at a Louisiana eatery. But the 18-year-old beauty left her purse at the restaurant and the four young women were caught when they came back to pick up the handbag, which police said also contained marijuana.
“Lindsey Evans has been part of an organization that believes in opportunities when earned and consequences when warranted. Due to recent circumstances, Lindsey has been relieved of her duties as Miss Louisiana Teen USA 2008 effective immediately," said a statement by the pageant's organizer, RPM Productions. Her reign was scheduled to end October 31.
When asked why they chose to stiff the restaurant, one of Evans' cohorts responded with this jewel: “The service was so slow, we just said, ‘Screw it,’ and left,” Evans will have to return her sash and crown, but won't have to return any other prizes or cash equivalents.
Wow, so would she have been able to keep the sash and crown if they hadn't found wacky weed in her purse? I mean seriously, what kind of example does that set? They should make this young lady return EVERYTHING she won from the pageant, not just the meaningless pieces of cloth and plastic.
“We're ten hours from the (bleep)ing fun park and you want to bail out. Well, I'll tell you something. This is no longer a vacation! It's a quest!” …
I just read this from the folks over at foxnews.com: "Authorities are investigating a report that an armed man forced a tour bus driver to drive to the Downtown Disney area in Florida."
"Orange County sheriff's deputies searched for the suspect at the entertainment and shopping complex Saturday, but the search was later called off. The man has not been identified. Authorities say the driver told police the suspect hid in the restroom of a Mears bus and emerged with a gun. He then forced the driver to drive to the Disney area. She dropped him off without being injured, according to the sheriff's office."
further proof that some people will do ANYTHING to ride Space Mountain...or get a klondike bar...take your pick :)
Try our "New Nuggets", now made with white meat, at participating restaurants …
I've always been the kind of person who doesn't complain when my food isn't cooked exactly right while dining out. Having roomed with a couple of short order cooks in college, I believe it's better to live with it, then to tick off the people who are responsible for preparing and serving me my food. These folks over in Sydney Australia apparently didn't get that memo: "Pub row erupts after feces found in ice cream"
A bitter row has broken out between one of Sydney's largest tourist pubs and a family of five who accused chefs of serving human excrement in their gelato after they complained about noise during a football match.
State government food minister Ian Macdonald confirmed on Wednesday that frozen fecal matter had been found in a serving of chocolate gelato offered to placate pub patron Steve Whyte and his wife Jessica, who became "violently ill" after eating it.
The tainted sweet was allegedly served up at the Coogee Bay Hotel, one of Sydney's largest and most popular beachfront hotels, located just a few minutes south of Bondi Beach. The pub has denied serving excrement to the Whyte's after they complained they were unable to hear a televised football game due to loud music, with both the chef and restaurant manager volunteering for DNA tests to prove their innocence. Both sides have accused the other of money seeking, with the Whyte's claiming they were offered A$5,000 ($3,240) in hush money by pub General Manager Tony Williams, while they in turn were accused of trying to negotiate up to A$1 million in damages. The argument over accusations of "kitchen revenge" has shocked Australians, leading into an expected searing, gelato-friendly summer, capturing national headlines for days.
Note to self: Don't eat any rocky road ice cream ever again.....especially if it's "on the house".
So remember, the next time you start to complain about ANYTHING while out to dinner, you've been warned.
My Shameless Gimmick Item ...
The top three Overrated/Underrated aspects of the world...or at least my world.
1) Overrated: Dine and dash Underrated: Mrs. Dash
2) Overrated: "Change we can believe in" Underrated: the increase in the amount of taxes we'll be paying over the next four years.
3) Overrated: Joe the plumber Underrated: Sally the soccer mom
Finally, I'm sorry this blog sucked, but it wasn’t my fault …
California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger said he didn't think I was ready to write a vice presidential caliber blog, but that I'm "getting there".
Sunday, October 12, 2008
My first blog
First off, if this blog sucks it's not my fault....
Like Tony Franklin, I was only given six weeks to make this a championship blog. Clearly it takes at least a year to become a true spread type blogger.
"It hurts, it hurts bad" ...
Now everyone who knows me, knows that I'm a huge college football fan. I've always rooted for Auburn, I've always wore the orange and blue (even when they fired Terry Bowden) and I even stood behind Tubs when they tried to oust him during jetgate. But the events of this season, especially those of the past week, are beginning to to make me think I'm rooting for the wrong team in orange. (Can I get a "Hook'em"?)
I can't imagine Tony Franklin would have ever taken the job if his interview with Tubs had went something like this: "So Tony, we want you to come in here and completely change our offensive philosophy. Even though we've always been a running team, and all we've recruited over the past nine seasons are running backs and blocking tight ends, we want you to make us a high scoring, pass happy machine. Think you can do that? Great! Oh, and uh, by the way...you can't hire any of your own position coaches, or run practices the way you did at Troy. But hey, we'll have a GREAT compensation package for you just in case things don't work out between you and the guys who have been here forever. Just ask Al Borges!"
Memo to Tommy Tuberville: Fire your entire offensive coaching staff at the end of this season and let the new Offensive Coordinator bring in his own guys.
Ok, for the non-sports fans, the remainder of this blog shall be football free
"That's how we roll" ...
So the first headline I see on al.com yesterday morning was this: "Mobile, AL area girls, some cheerleaders, arrested for vandalism"
With my curiosity piqued, how could I not click through to find out more? Imagine my surprise when I read that the girls in questions are current MGM students, and that the offense in question involved the "rolling" of a fellow cheerleaders house. Now, having participated in a few "rollings" myself (New Years Eve 1990 comes to mind), my initial reaction was "You've GOT to be kidding me!?" After all, "rolling" your friends' houses and cars is a time honored tradition, a little harmless fun between classmates, right? However, after reading a little further, it became clear that this was much more than a simple "rolling". Aside from the standard toilet paper in the trees, these vandalous vixens decided to make salt patterns in the grass, effectively killing it. Then they decided to smear honey on both the front door and garage door of the house. (Can you say "Have fun repainting those!") Finally, as if all that wasn't enough, they smeared oreo cookie filling on the family car (hope it didn't ruin the clearcoat) and stuffed the tailpipe with a potato. Wow. At some point in time, you have to think they knew they were crossing the line. I mean, toilet paper can be cleaned up with a little manpower, but doing things that you know are going to cost someone a lot of money to repair...give me a break. Obviously there's more to this story than was reported in the depressed register, but I don't recall any of our "rollings" ever being that destructive.
"You have restored my faith in humanity" ...
Perhaps in an effort to show that the students at MGM aren't all malicious vandals, al.com posted this headline today: "Mary G. Montgomery High School picks Annie Bryant as homecoming queen
I wasn't entirely sure of why this tidbit was deemed newsworthy until I clicked through. Annie Bryant is a student at MGM who has Down's Syndrome. In an unprecedented gesture of kindness, over 2,000 of her fellow classmates were able to put pettiness and social status aside and cast their votes for Annie. Perhaps there is hope for our society yet.
"You want answers?"... "I want the truth!" ... "You can't handle the thruth!" ...
I just came across this posting on WKRG.com: "Childrens Toy Controversy"
"Some folks are claiming to hear more than just baby talk from Fisher Price's "Little Mommy: The real loving baby cuddle and coo". The baby doll is manufactured in China by Mattel and sold at Target stores nationwide. The doll says a series of coos and babbles, but some people claim to hear "Islam is the Light."... We left a message with Mattel, the parent company of Fisher Price and are waiting for their response. According to management for Target at Bel Air Colonial Mall, Mattel does not plan to pull the doll off of store shelves."
You can't make this kind of stuff up. After watching the "video evidence" it's clear the doll is saying something, but is it really saying "Islam is the light"? I mean, couldn't it be saying "I love to fight" or " I know you're right" or given that it's made in China, perhaps it's saying "I'm China's Might!" They(China) do want to rule the world you know. perhaps this is the first part of their invasion plan?
My Shameless Gimmick Item ...
The top three Overrated/Underrated aspects of the world...or at least my world.
1) Overrated: cable news networks Underrated: Devon Walsh returning to WKRG :)
2) Overrated: Mobile's attempted annexation of Semmes Underrated: The fact that Sam Jones will not stop until every Wal-Mart he can see is inside the city limits.
3) Overrated: $4.00 a gallon gas in Birmingham Underrated: $3.00 a gallon gas in Mobile
Finally, I'm sorry this blog sucked, but it wasn’t my fault …
I made too many contributions to "sub-prime" blogs in the past, and now I don't have enough creativity left in me to stay afloat.
Like Tony Franklin, I was only given six weeks to make this a championship blog. Clearly it takes at least a year to become a true spread type blogger.
"It hurts, it hurts bad" ...
Now everyone who knows me, knows that I'm a huge college football fan. I've always rooted for Auburn, I've always wore the orange and blue (even when they fired Terry Bowden) and I even stood behind Tubs when they tried to oust him during jetgate. But the events of this season, especially those of the past week, are beginning to to make me think I'm rooting for the wrong team in orange. (Can I get a "Hook'em"?)
I can't imagine Tony Franklin would have ever taken the job if his interview with Tubs had went something like this: "So Tony, we want you to come in here and completely change our offensive philosophy. Even though we've always been a running team, and all we've recruited over the past nine seasons are running backs and blocking tight ends, we want you to make us a high scoring, pass happy machine. Think you can do that? Great! Oh, and uh, by the way...you can't hire any of your own position coaches, or run practices the way you did at Troy. But hey, we'll have a GREAT compensation package for you just in case things don't work out between you and the guys who have been here forever. Just ask Al Borges!"
Memo to Tommy Tuberville: Fire your entire offensive coaching staff at the end of this season and let the new Offensive Coordinator bring in his own guys.
Ok, for the non-sports fans, the remainder of this blog shall be football free
"That's how we roll" ...
So the first headline I see on al.com yesterday morning was this: "Mobile, AL area girls, some cheerleaders, arrested for vandalism"
With my curiosity piqued, how could I not click through to find out more? Imagine my surprise when I read that the girls in questions are current MGM students, and that the offense in question involved the "rolling" of a fellow cheerleaders house. Now, having participated in a few "rollings" myself (New Years Eve 1990 comes to mind), my initial reaction was "You've GOT to be kidding me!?" After all, "rolling" your friends' houses and cars is a time honored tradition, a little harmless fun between classmates, right? However, after reading a little further, it became clear that this was much more than a simple "rolling". Aside from the standard toilet paper in the trees, these vandalous vixens decided to make salt patterns in the grass, effectively killing it. Then they decided to smear honey on both the front door and garage door of the house. (Can you say "Have fun repainting those!") Finally, as if all that wasn't enough, they smeared oreo cookie filling on the family car (hope it didn't ruin the clearcoat) and stuffed the tailpipe with a potato. Wow. At some point in time, you have to think they knew they were crossing the line. I mean, toilet paper can be cleaned up with a little manpower, but doing things that you know are going to cost someone a lot of money to repair...give me a break. Obviously there's more to this story than was reported in the depressed register, but I don't recall any of our "rollings" ever being that destructive.
"You have restored my faith in humanity" ...
Perhaps in an effort to show that the students at MGM aren't all malicious vandals, al.com posted this headline today: "Mary G. Montgomery High School picks Annie Bryant as homecoming queen
I wasn't entirely sure of why this tidbit was deemed newsworthy until I clicked through. Annie Bryant is a student at MGM who has Down's Syndrome. In an unprecedented gesture of kindness, over 2,000 of her fellow classmates were able to put pettiness and social status aside and cast their votes for Annie. Perhaps there is hope for our society yet.
"You want answers?"... "I want the truth!" ... "You can't handle the thruth!" ...
I just came across this posting on WKRG.com: "Childrens Toy Controversy"
"Some folks are claiming to hear more than just baby talk from Fisher Price's "Little Mommy: The real loving baby cuddle and coo". The baby doll is manufactured in China by Mattel and sold at Target stores nationwide. The doll says a series of coos and babbles, but some people claim to hear "Islam is the Light."... We left a message with Mattel, the parent company of Fisher Price and are waiting for their response. According to management for Target at Bel Air Colonial Mall, Mattel does not plan to pull the doll off of store shelves."
You can't make this kind of stuff up. After watching the "video evidence" it's clear the doll is saying something, but is it really saying "Islam is the light"? I mean, couldn't it be saying "I love to fight" or " I know you're right" or given that it's made in China, perhaps it's saying "I'm China's Might!" They(China) do want to rule the world you know. perhaps this is the first part of their invasion plan?
My Shameless Gimmick Item ...
The top three Overrated/Underrated aspects of the world...or at least my world.
1) Overrated: cable news networks Underrated: Devon Walsh returning to WKRG :)
2) Overrated: Mobile's attempted annexation of Semmes Underrated: The fact that Sam Jones will not stop until every Wal-Mart he can see is inside the city limits.
3) Overrated: $4.00 a gallon gas in Birmingham Underrated: $3.00 a gallon gas in Mobile
Finally, I'm sorry this blog sucked, but it wasn’t my fault …
I made too many contributions to "sub-prime" blogs in the past, and now I don't have enough creativity left in me to stay afloat.
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